If you are looking for a book to challenge your current thinking on community and Stb_cover_2 small groups in the church, I recommend you pick up a copy of The Search to Belong by Joseph Myers. The primary premise of the book is that we all experience belonging in four unique types of spaces: public, social, personal and intimate. Myers suggests our goal should be to help people grow significant relationships in all four of those spaces.

Here are a handful of quotes that challenged me from the book:

  • "Small groups do not accomplish the promise of fulfilling all facets of a person’s search for community…The truth is that people can experience belonging in groups ranging in size from two to 2,000 or more."
  • "It is simply not true that people who belong only in public space are ‘on the fringe.’ Nor is it true that we somehow need to get them to move ‘closer’ to get them to be committed."
  • "Can we be comfortable with people belonging to Jesus and the church in public space? Can we give them help, hope, and home in the space where they choose to belong? Without pushing them to come closer?"
  • "Announcing programs that promise intimacy to every person within reach creates unrealistic expectations. Worse, it actually pushes those who are not ready for such relationships farther away."
  • "So often our small group models encourage forced belonging. We surmise that putting people into groups will alleviate the emptiness so prevalent in our fast-paced culture… Sometimes this works. Sometimes it almost works. More times than not, it does not work, and, in extremes, it can wound and scar."

I believe, and I think Myers would agree, that small groups certainly have a place in the ministry of the local church. We just need to be careful about how we position them and we may want to rethink the expectations we communicate for the small group experience. If we talk about groups to help people find "intimacy," we’re probably setting almost all groups up for failure. We’re probably also scaring some people away from what might be a helpful relational connection.