Mail Bag | Hiring
Letter #5 – Dude, how do I get hired at Granger Community Church? –from "Another Dude" in Someplace-That’s-Not-Granger, USA
Another Dude, this is a very interesting question. For starters, I must be honest and question your intelligence. Haven’t you heard? Granger is located in Indiana. It’s cold. It snows…a lot. The landscape is completely flat. We have cornfields. We’re called Hoosiers. Granted, it’s a step above living in Iowa, but why in the world would you consider moving your family to Indiana?
That aside, if you’re planning on getting hired at Granger Community Church this is what you’ll need to do:
- Move to Granger, Indiana.
- Begin attending Granger Community Church.
- Commit your life to Christ and follow him passionately.
- Get plugged into ministry.
- Demonstrate your ability to lead others effectively.
- Add so much value to the ministry that we have to invite you to join our staff team.
- Continue serving faithfully.
- Serve faithfully.
- Serve faithfully.
- Oh, looks like we’re at a place where we may hire someone to lead that area of our ministry.
- Serve faithfully.
- Serve faithfully.
- Hmmm…maybe we should talk to Another Dude and see if he’s interested in stepping into full-time ministry.
- Serve faithfully.
- Let’s have him submit an application. We should probably also talk with these other people who have served faithfully, demonstrated their commitment to Christ and this ministry and have shown that they have towering leadership capacity.
- Serve faithfully.
- Serve faithfully.
- Go through extensive interview process. Submit to grueling interrogation.
- Wait patiently for someone to decide whether or not you’re a good fit for the team and the specific role.
- Get hired at Granger.
It’s a simple 20-step process. And, after you complete those 20 steps, of course, there’s no guarantee you’ll ever get hired, but you will have the opportunity to volunteer on a great ministry team that’s committed to helping people experience life transformation through a relationship with Jesus. It’s rewarding and wildly fun.
Oh…by the way…we have about 1,400 other people just like you that have already made it through at least step 4.
Now you know how to get hired at Granger. Sometime soon, I’ll share why we do it this way.
What’s wrong with Iowa?
I must say I have been through this journey…and the one thing Tony left off is when you have to go face-to-face, one-on-one, eye-to-eye with HIM on a best of 3 challenge of “Rock-Paper-Scissors”. Of course to earn extra points, you should bring a rubber glove for Tony because he cannot stand human contact….ever.
To clarify, then: Is there anyone on Granger staff that was brought in from the outside?
Tony, I can only think of 3 out of the 70-some that were hired from outside, and the third one was hired more than two years ago.
the other tony
Oh, yea, I forgot the DJ-rule. If you happen to be a DJ at the top radio station in South Bend and decide to commit your life to helping high school students meet Jesus, we skip #9. And, yes, it helps if you also have skills with the rock-paper-scissors game.
tony
I was told once that if you plug into Tim’s small group at #4, it’s then possible that someone might take a chance and let you advance to a position at St. Granger’s Place …….and if you pass go, collect $200. Also known as the “TS Express Lane” (TSEL).
Other Tony -
Makes sense. I like the promoting from within idea. However, I know that sometimes bringing in a hired gun can, um, help prevent “in-breeding.”
Sorry… I don’t know if I like that metaphor either. :)
Twenty steps, huh? I think any guy that lacks an obvious knowledge of church politics in the States and calls Tony “dude” should follow the three step program. 1) Pick the hardest and least effected country in the world to live in 2) Pack your bags and get on a plane and 3) lay your whole freakin’ life down for a bunch of people that no one’s had the (well… you know) to reach. My guess… you start doing that, and the guys at Granger will be calling YOU to ask how to be on your staff. :) Go get ‘em.