Emily has been reading several books on parenting teenagers. She’s not doing that because we’re having trouble parenting our teenager. She’s reading these books because we’re parenting our first of four teenagers and we’d like to get it right the first time. It’s led to some great conversations between Emily and me and with our teenage daughter.

Part of the coaching that has been consistent in each of these books is the recommendation to “seek advice from a friend, counselor or a pastor.” Being a pastor, let me just say that’s about the stupidest advice a book could provide. Good counsel doesn’t come with position. Good counsel comes with experience. And, frankly, I know very few pastors that have successfully raised teenagers.

If you need advice, first ask the question who has walked through this same situation and come out the other side in a healthy position? Personally, I try to find coaching/counsel that’s coming out of a person’s success rather than a title behind their name.

Also, this should be an encouragement to folks that are struggling with specific issues in their lives. I have friends who are dealing with parenting, weight, sleep, financial, career challenges, etc. There are days right now where you’re probably thinking, “I wish this problem would just go away.” The reality is that you are walking through an experience that will ultimately put you in a better position to help others take their next steps toward Christ.

By the way, this same advice applies to personal challenges and ministry challenges. Just because a church is bigger than yours or more well-known than yours doesn’t mean their leaders are the best folks to give counsel.

What’s your specific challenge? Who has successfully walked through that challenge? Talk to that person.

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