As promised before I left for my Thanksgiving trip, I’ve compiled a list of funny staff handbook guidelines. Here they are in no particular order:
- “We actually have a policy about policies… The handbook is finally being revised right now, so much of the knuckleheadedness will be going away.” – Kirt
- Male employees must wear a tie… Silk is the preferred fabric and the pattern should be conservative (no flying toasters, etc. nothing George Bush wouldn’t wear.) Learn to tie an appropriate knot (avoid the “puggies”) and avoid loosening your top button—it usually shows that you didn’t buy the proper sized shirt. – Don
- “About two years ago, we were calling a new Organist/Director of Music. We don’t have a personnel handbook, per se…..so the Music Committee took it upon themselves to draft a letter of agreement with the new hire. Among other things, he was directed to wear ‘dark slacks and socks’ on Sundays so as to ‘compliment his choir robe.’” – Rob
- “My church copied their staff handbook from someone’s business. Only problem was that it gave all the employees Christmas Eve and Easter off.” – Jon
There you go. Feel free to share more. I particularly like the one on having Easter off.
Ha! That is hilarious.
Confused on this one? How is an employment guideline a joking matter?
Shannon,
It’s funny because of some of the stuff that gets put into Employee Handbooks. For example, putting Easter and Christmas Eve as days off for church staff is very funny as those are probably two of the most popular days for people to come to a church meeting. Imagine the senior pastor and all other staff not showing up on those days because they have it off.
As for other humor related to this (at least I thought it was funny) – we were told in one employee e-mail that employees were forbidden from calling 911 for emergencies. We were to notify a floor manager, supervisor, HR rep, etc so that _they_ could call 911. No exceptions (stated clearly). It was only after a little thought that they revised this so that we could dial 911 in emergencies, but needed to tell one of those people that we had done so. The idea behind it was a good one – that the people in charge know that something happened. The way they worded it was poor – no supervisor around, can’t call 911.
I’m actually a little surprised that there aren’t more examples that are just funny. I know I was asked by our senior pastor if I’d brought a tie one day when I was filling in for our music leader. It’s not required, but it is expected. Kind of funny because most men in our meeting don’t wear ties, though it’s not an unusual site by any means. At least we can wear light-hearted ties. :)
Shannon. Having guidelines isn’t a joking matter. Having ridiculous guidelines is, however, funny or at least worth having a fun poke at. There’s no reason to joke about having printed materials for your church attendees either, until you accidentally print one of those funny “church bulletin mishaps” type of statements. Like the one about the chili lunch…stay afterwards for the choir will be making a joyful noise.
I know this blog is old, but I couldn’t find my handbook when this was posted. Anyway:
“Dress code: Because we believe it is consistent with Biblical teaching, ‘this company’ requires that all full time employees wear scrubs to work.”
Do you know where that is found in the bible?