How Do I Change My Boss?
It may or may not surprise you that the most frequently asked question during the “Killing Cockroaches Summer Tour” was how do I change my boss?
In a couple of instances where I knew the person was married, I responded to that question with this question: How do you change your spouse? (Hint for marital bliss: Don’t try to answer that question. You’ll find yourself sleeping on the couch tonight.) If you’ve been married longer than a few weeks, you know that you can’t change your spouse. You’re really fighting a losing battle if you think you will.
We can’t change your spouse. We can’t change your boss. The only person we have any hope of changing is ourselves, and that, I’ve learned, is a little difficult without a move of God. It could quite possibly be the case that if you think your boss needs to change, maybe your perspective needs to change.
- Look in the mirror. You may be thinking your boss is unhealthy, but is it possible that you’re the one that really needs to make some changes? That’s the easiest place to start.
- Support your boss. He or she is human. Your boss is learning how to lead just like you are. How can you provide encouragement? What can you do to make their life easier? Have you prayed for them recently?
- Model healthy leadership. If it works for you and people acknowledge that you’re helping the organization fulfill it’s mission, others may want to learn from you.
- Focus on the relationship. People don’t like change unless they’re initiating the change. None of us like being changed or receiving change. We all need relationships with people we can trust though. It’s amazing what you’re willing to do for someone you trust.
- Move on. If you can’t support your boss, then you’re only pulling yourself and others down if you stick around. (Before you do that, see the first four bullets.)
I know. This is easy for me to write since I’ve worked for some great bosses along the way. I’ve been pretty fortunate.
That said, we all face instances in even the healthiest of relationships where there is tension. The natural reaction is to want to fix the other person. Just thought it would be helpful for you to know…
You can’t fix your boss.
Thanks for the reminder Tony. I remember that question being asked in our group. :)
How does your boss change you? Hint: “You’re fired!”
Tony,
Great post! I too have had some great bosses, but I can say that even the rough ones seem to get better when I pray for them earnestly. I guess God changes us more than them, but it still helps. Someone once said, we can’t change how others act but we are in control of how we react to them. That advice goes double for dealing with bosses, good or bad.
Maxwell said the hardest person to lead IS yourself! Thanks for a great post Tony, it is truly a well put foundation for having the heart of a servant.
A wise person once reminded me of David and Saul. Even though David knew he himself was the heir apparent, he wouldn’t lay a hand on Saul. If you can’t support the boss, plain and simple, it’s time to go.
There are two things I have done to improve things with difficult bosses, and they work. First, I pray for them, that they will be open and honest with their subordinates. I also look for what we have in common – kids, prayer needs, blessings and burdens, and I let them know I am interested – this must come from the heart and be done in love! I always pray that God will reveal my shortcomings, weaknesses and flaws, and I ask that He will show me how to be more and more like Jesus. No, none of this is particularly easy! But the results of genuine connection with others are amazing.
Tony,
Great post. I think you nailed this one. I have found that when the boss and the staff are on the same page for what has to be accomplished (i.e., the mission and goals) than discussion about how to get there becomes much, much easier.
Good stuff Tony. We struggle with wanting to change our bosses, & chances are they go home everyday ranting about how they wish they could change us too. I like that you focused on building the relationship. If you do that, then even if it becomes necessary to part ways in the work sense, you can do it in a way that honors God & doesn’t destroy the ministry.
Thanks, Tony. I needed to read that exactly today.
I happen to work for some great bosses! But, I love this post because it seems so common for people who only know part of a situation, to jump to a judgemental conclusion with those who are in leadership over us. How exhausting is that for our leaders? I know it wears me out just in my very small world of leadership. Knowing what God has directed you to, obeying, and keeping it under protection.
pray for your boss