The following happens between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m.

When I arrived at Starbucks, it was empty except for one man sitting at the back of the store. Slowly, I walked back to the table and sat down. Who was the man I had been pursuing?

“Hello Tony. Have a seat.”

Tony: “Who are you?”

Dude at Starbucks: “You know me, but I know you better. I used to know the number of hairs on your head, but they’re a little harder to count now with all the product that you use.”

Tony: “Jesus?”

Jesus: “I am.”

Tony: “You’re the man I’ve been pursuing? Of all people, I’d expect you to have a much better British accent.”

Jesus: “I realize my British accent is not very good. I’ve been too busy trying to learn the Christian accent to better understand my people.”

Tony: “Why? Why have you led me on this wild journey today?”

Jesus: “I wanted to get your attention. I wanted you to get a new perspective. I wanted you to see me in the middle of your circumstances. Did you?”

Tony: “I was too busy.”

Jesus: “I know. Tony, you have to remember that I want you to succeed in the mission I’ve given you, but you can’t succeed on your own. You need me. You need the help of others. You’re not very good by yourself. And you’re certainly no Jack Bauer.”

Tony: “I know.”

Jesus: “I wanted to remind you that your life is part of a bigger story. You may not understand the whole picture at this moment, but I have a plan. My plan is perfect. You are part of it. Be patient. I am with you—day by day and hour by hour.”

Tony: “Thank you for your patience. I don’t deserve it.”

Jesus: “That’s grace. I love to give it. Tony, you need to remember that my story will be fully revealed. For now, though, there is some mystery. That’s the way I designed it. Where there’s mystery, there’s pursuit.”

Tony: “Jesus, while we’re sharing a coffee together, I do have one more question.”

Jesus: “Yes?”

Tony: “What does an elephant’s behind have to do with innovative churches?”

Jesus: “Tony, don’t you get it? It’s not what you think.”

The following happens between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m.

“Tony, this is Jack Bauer. I’ve heard about your situation. I just wanted to let you know my guns are loaded and my cell phone is charged and I’m ready to jump in and help you deal with this.”

Jack’s call, of course, woke me up from a dead sleep, so I was still groggy as I was trying to process what Jack had just shared. I couldn’t believe, though, that he was offering to come to Granger, Indiana and help me deal with this challenge.

Tony: “Mr. Bauer, sir, I really appreciate what you’ve offered, but I think I’d like to try to tackle this one on my own.”

Jack: “Tony, haven’t you been reading John Maxwell enough to remember that a team outperforms the individual every time?”

Tony: “I realize that. And I also know there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team.’”

Jack: “You’re correct, but there is an ‘I’ in ‘kill,’ and that’s what I’m prepared to do for you.”

Tony: “Mr. Bauer, I know this may be hard to believe, but sometimes problems can be solved without killing people.”

Jack: “What are you talking about? Do you have any idea what you’re saying? Do you think anyone is going to be willing to come back and read your last post of this series knowing someone isn’t going to die during these 24 hours?”

Obviously I had let my hero down. I’m no Jack Bauer. But, I only had one choice in this matter. I needed to confront my challenge–man-to-man. It was time to head to Starbucks…

The following happens between 4:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.

…and I must be very nervous about the meeting I have scheduled at 6:00 a.m. at Starbucks with the man I believe to have generated all of this terrorist activity over the last 24 hours. This man has created havoc. He’s launched a comment spam attack. He’s hijacked the Simply Strategic Show (which just happens to be in the Top 100 Christian podcasts on iTunes!) podcast. He’s taken three of our Innovative Church Conference speakers hostage. He made a man disguise himself as Tim Stevens and dress up in a kimono.

I tossed and turned as I tried to grab some additional sleep, but I couldn’t wipe the activities of the day out of my mind. I found myself in that state where you never know if you are actually awake or asleep but regardless you still end up with a pool of drool on your pillow—kind of like when your wife forces you to sit and watch an episode of Oprah with her.

This was awful. When I started blogging about 18 months ago, I never imagined I’d face this type of situation. Why? Why? Why?

And then the cell phone by my bed rang and woke me from my restless sleep. “Hello, who is this?” There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then I was shocked to hear the caller respond, “This is…”

The following happens between 3:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m.

…at a poker table with Dave Ferguson, the senior pastor of Community Christian Church—a multi-site church in the Chicago area; Brad from ChurchMarketingSucks.com; Scott Hodge, the lead pastor of Orchard Valley Community Church in Aurora, IL and "Chris," the guy who doesn’t like this 24 series on my blog. It was a unique group of people to be gathered around a Texas Hold ‘Em table. Several of them weren’t even sure if they were allowed to play poker. (For their sake, let’s keep this our little secret. After all, they’re only playing poker in my dream.)

Throughout the game, each of the players demonstrated some rather odd behaviors. For example, Dave continually was looking for ways to expand the game into different rooms of the house. He wanted to add several new tables and just play the game via video in each location. Kevin thought more people would show up to play if we increased our direct mail advertising. Scott just wanted to move the game to Starbucks. (Hmmm…I wonder if Scott has a bad British accent.) And, no matter what cards I was dealt, Chris kept on telling me to fold.

I’m not sure what, if anything, this means, but I’m sure it can’t be good. It doesn’t matter though, contrary to Chris’s wishes, I’m all in…

The following happens between 2:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m.

KING: Canton, Georgia, for Tony Morgan, hello.

CALLER: Hello Larry and hi Mr. Morgan.

KING: Hi.

MORGAN: Good evening. Do I know you? Your voice sounds familiar.

CALLER: Hi. Several hours ago, you quoted a certain pastor on your blog that lives near Clemson. He called my Georgia Bulldogs “a bunch of pansies.” What makes a person say such negative things? Is it to pump themselves up and work on their own self-esteem? What do they get out of it?

KING: You know—I’ve heard that same pastor is also a sweet tea drinker. What do you make of that?

MORGAN: Is this Gary Lamb?

CALLER: I think it’s mean…just plain mean. Don’t you agree, Mr. Morgan? I heard he wears pink t-shirts as well. He’s a sweet tea drinker that wears pink t-shirts.

MORGAN: This sounds a lot like Gary Lamb? Gary, you don’t happen to have a bad British accent do you? Do we have an appointment to meet at Starbucks in a few hours?

CALLER: I don’t know what you’re talking about. My name isn’t Gary. I’m an unidentified caller from Canton, Georgia. Go DAWGS!!!

KING: Thanks caller. Tomorrow night, Paris Hilton. She’ll be in the studio to talk about her new album and explain why her vocal cords are so much stronger than Jessica Simpson’s.

At that point, Brooke began to stir in the next room. I woke up for a moment realizing I’ve been dreaming about bad, pop singers. After a few moments, the baby settled back down. I dozed off again only to find myself…

The following happens between 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m.

LARRY KING, CNN HOST: Tonight, Tony Morgan takes your calls from blogging to interpreting Hoosier slang. He keeps it real and solves your problems as only he can. Tony Morgan for the hour is next on LARRY KING LIVE.

Good evening. It’s always great having Tony Morgan with us. He’s the host of the highly-rated podcast, the "Simply Strategic Show," and best-selling author.

His most recent book is "Blog Smart and Live Long." But, before we get to any of that what’s your reaction to what everybody is talking about…Jessica Simpson’s injured vocal cord?

MORGAN: Jessica who?

KING: Jessica Simpson. You know the former Mrs. Nick Lachey. The dance-pop singer. She has a broken blood vessel in her vocal cord.

MORGAN: Does she blog smart?

KING: Not that I know of. Guess that could also explain why her marriage failed, her latest movie flopped and why she was unsuccessful in becoming a Mouseketeer.

MORGAN: That could be her problem. Blog smart and live long, Larry.

KING: With that, we will go to your phone calls…

The following happens between 12:00 a.m. and 1:00 a.m.

It has been a long day. As I lay in bed beside Emily, I kept thinking about what had unfolded. There was the comment spam, the hijacking of the Simply Strategic Show and the three Innovative Church Conference speakers that were now hostages. On top of that, Andy Stanley called, Marky Mark paid a visit without the Funky Bunch, Mark Beeson lost his mojo, Larry Wilcox from CHiPs was temporarily our executive pastor, Seth Godin wielded a water gun and Emily and I played some sheet music to the soundtrack of 24. What are the odds of all of that happening in one day?

As I considered all the adventure of my day, I found myself getting very tired. I had been on the go since 7:00 a.m. this morning. My body told me I needed to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t let me sleep. And, of course, whenever I face this problem, I do what all Notre Dame football fans do to fall asleep—I started counting our national championships. One national championship in 1924. Two national championships in 1929.  Three national championships in 1930.  Four national championship in 1938… Thirteen national championships in 1988…

All of a sudden I realized I was both asleep and dreaming—at least I think I was dreaming. In this state of consciousness or unconsciousness, the Cleveland Indians were still in the pennant race, my grass was green but didn’t need mowed, Lucky Brand jeans were half-priced at The Buckle and Emily wanted to listen to the 24 soundtrack every night. Yes, this was indeed a dream. Wow! Now that I’m dreaming, I wonder what will happen next…

The following happens between 11:00 p.m. and 12:00 a.m.

I slowly opened the door to the bedroom. As I had imagined, she was already there. Emily was in bed waiting for me. The candles were lit. She had slipped into something a little more comfortable. The iPod was playing the 24 soundtrack. She definitely had plans for the next hour of this blogging series.

This obviously presented a moral dilemma. Do I enjoy the wife of my youth, or do I continue to pursue the bad man who’s trying to disrupt our plans for the Innovative Church Conference? Then I looked down at the bracelet on my wrist. WWJD. It prompted me to ask the most important question anyone could ask in this situation: What would Jack do?

The reality of this fairy tale, of course, was that this was unlike any situation Jack Bauer has ever faced. I’ve seen the women on 24. None of them compare to my wife—especially that Elisha Cuthbert. She’s ugly.

Ok, my moral dilemma was short-lived. I’ve decided to stay with my wife. I’ll be back with you in 60 minutes…

The following happens between 10:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m.

I was surprised to turn around and find Seth Godin in the back of my car holding a very small water gun. To be honest, it wasn’t very impressive and not at all intimidating. I know Seth is into this “small is the new big”-thing, but I don’t think that principle applies during a terrorist crisis involving hostages.

Seth: “The guy with the fake British accent told me to relay this message. He doesn’t like the plot twist involving your son. Instead, he wants you to meet him at the Starbucks located at Douglas and Main Street in Mishawaka at exactly 6:00 a.m. That will give you time to fall asleep, get some rest and blog about your dream sequence. If you don’t do this I may have to unleash the ideavirus.”

Tony: “Why the water pistol?”

Seth: “The guy that hired me said you are one of those fancy hair guys. He said you would do anything to avoid getting water in your hair…something about water mixing with hair gel. That’s why I have a water gun. Believe me–I’m not afraid to use it.”

This was obviously an empty verbal threat. I knew Seth wasn’t going to pull the trigger. For one thing, everyone knows all marketers are liars. Secondly, any reader of my blog knows I’m more of a pomade guy.

Given the choice of trying to find Mark’s deer stand or going upstairs and climbing in bed with my wife, though, I decided to take Seth’s advice. I called the Yellow Cab Company and arranged for Seth to fly home from South Bend Regional Airport. Yes, we have a real airport where planes with jet engines land and take off every day.

After Seth left, I tucked Jacob into bed. The house was completely dark except for the flicker of candlelight emanating from the bedroom at the end of the hallway. Hmmm, I wonder what’s behind that door…

The following happens between 9:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m.

As I sat at my computer waiting for Jacob to get ready, I wondered how in the world I was going to connect my son with the person or persons that were trying to stop the Innovative Church Conference. Why would anyone want do this? It was a puzzle I couldn’t crack. What was the motive?

I opened up my Gmail account and started reviewing messages that had come in through the day. There were messages from Corey Mann, Kem Meyer, Jason Powell, Mark Waltz and Mr. Joseph Abudulkarim Adisa a son to Minister of Works and Housing of the Federal of Nigeria. Good news there, by the way. Mr. Adisa wants to make arrangements to transfer $25 million into our building fund account.

Then I noticed there was a message from someone at the Willow Creek Association. It read:

I’ve heard about your situation today. We faced a similar crisis this year with the Leadership Summit. Someone claiming to be Marcus Buckingham took Patrick Lencioni, Jim Collins and Bill Hybels hostage. The guy was trying to prevent us from offering this year’s Summit. We finally found all three tied up on Bill’s boat. Does Mark Beeson own a boat? If so, I’d look there first.

Your friend,
Jimmy Mellado

P.S. – I really love the blog. Bill, Gene Appel, Nancy Beach and I frequently just sit around eating leftovers from the Willow cafeteria and talking about your insightful ministry strategies.

Well, I have to admit, there did happen to be several similarities between our situation and that faced earlier this year by the Willow team. Only problem is that Mark Beeson doesn’t own a boat. Being a hunter, though, he does own a deer stand. Do you think it’s possible that the hostages are being held there?

With that small lead, Jacob and I headed out the door to see if we could track down the hostages and save this year’s conference. We both got in the car, I turned on the ignition and then I realized that Jacob and I were not the only ones in the vehicle…