September 8, 2005 Tony M.

10 Easy Ways to Make Your Church Services More Boring

I’ve been sitting on this one for a couple of weeks thinking I might discover some insights to make it better. Instead, maybe you can help me figure out how to improve the list. One of the most frequent reasons cited for someone not attending church is because the services are boring. I think the only place there should be boring churches is in Boring, Oregon where I’ve identified, with the help of Google, that there are actually 25 Boring churches.

If I was intentionally setting out to create another boring church, though, this is how I might do it. Here are the:

10 Easy Ways to Make Your Church Services More Boring

  1. Don’t worry about when you finish. I’m sure no one has plans after the service.
  2. Straight Scriptures. No stories. Jesus didn’t teach that way, but you’re a better communicator than Jesus, right?
  3. Television. Movies. It’s just a phase. People don’t really need visual stimulation. They prefer talking heads.
  4. Use the same service order…every week…no exceptions…ever.
  5. Make more announcements.
  6. Encourage your elementary school kids to sit through your services. They love lively 45-minute sermons. It’s good for them. It builds character.
  7. Talk more about the past and the less about the future.
  8. Play the same Chris Tomlin song every week. And, try the chorus one more time.
  9. Use lots of big words that no one uses in normal, everyday life.
  10. Forget relevant topics and life application. People are really only interested in hearing what you think, not why it matters to them.

Ok, you probably get the point. The question is this: What are you doing to make your services memorable and impactful? Or, do you believe unchurched people, people who aren’t in a relationship with Jesus, should just be expected to show up and put up with something they perceive as boring?

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